Anonymous asked:

ok but my friend has her bf whip her ass when she wants to cut herself and how is that not abuse like hes taking advantage of her mental illness to get off with his sick rape fantasy at least if she was cutting herself he wouldnt be aroused by it even if shes still hurt yanno

xenoqueer answered:

Are you. Uh.

Are you saying that self harm and massive blood loss are. Healthier. Than being spanked by a partner in a controlled fashion because. I.

There’s.

There’s so much happening here. Do you think mentally ill people can’t fuck? Do you think doms are rapists? Do you think hitting someone is rape? DO YOU THINK CONSENSUAL SEX IS RAPE????

I don’t even know where to. To begin so just.

Listen.

Listen, okay.

Step one on the staircase of “stop trying to punish your body for being sick,” also known as “stop self harming,” is to replace high risk forms of self harm like trying to kill yourself with much lower risk ones that still provide you the sense of control, relief, or physical grounding that you are seeking.

This NECESSARY INTERIM MEASURE is what allows you to begin dealing with the extremely painful, difficult process of healing.

Also, did you just fucking say you would rather your friend RISK DEATH than do kink??????????????????????

Just.

Like.

I would rather risk death than deal with you right now, holy shit.

[the-sophia-in-exile]

Hey, anon, here’s a quick guide to how to deal with being in your situation:

1) Evaluate your discomfort.  Are you uncomfortable with the situation because you’re worried that your friend is being taken advantage of, or because it’s something you don’t understand or have built up an irrational sense of righteousness about?  Hint: if you’d rather your friend risk extreme personal injury or death, it’s probably the latter, and you should probably just deal with that on your own.

2) If you are actually genuinely concerned about your friend, the first thing you should do is go talk to them, and let them have a say in how the situation gets handled.  I mean, if you really respected their agency, you would probably not be so willing to label a situation they’re in as “definitely rape” because you have some vague idea about what they can and cannot consent to, but hey, maybe shit is really bad and you just don’t know how to deal with it.  It’s possible.

3) Don’t drag your friend’s situation out in front of a bunch of strangers on the internet as a way to support your moral superiority.  That’s taking advantage of them and speaking over them and it’s gross and just don’t.  If you need support or advice, that’s one thing, but bringing it up as a talking point with someone you disagree with is not that.

[rottenboysclub]

Also notice the anon’s wording.

“my friend has her bf whip her ass”

That’s clearly someone who WANTS to be spanked, it’s not even a case of where the guy has a spanking fetish himself (which, y’know, is just as valid) but it’s clearly the woman who has the impact play kink, and her boyfriend is participating in it at her request, not the other way around. So how is it possible that he’s ‘taking advantage of her’ ?????

Also

How is impact play ‘rape’? Not that there’s anything wrong with consensual noncon play either but ????? They’re two completely different things.

Anon, do you think that throwing out a million buzzwords and hoping that one will stick is any good way to create an argument? Because it’s pretty much the opposite of that. Please lay off the swerf kool-aid and pet a cat or something.

[alarajrogers]

I feel like the anon’s friend should dump the anon as a friend because people don’t deserve to have such judgy friends who treat them like they’re incapable of consent, like they are very tiny children or animals who of course don’t understand how sick and wrong this is, and they can’t possibly be people with intelligence and the right to choose things the anon doesn’t understand.