[robinsghost]

I have a problem with the whole idea of “ you don’t deserve praise for preforming basic decency” on one hand i think it’s right but on the other it’s like,,, that’s not how humans work if someone’s trying to improve themselves and be kinder and more aware about the suffering of others I think we should reward and encourage that,,, not like give a prize or anything but like a quiet “hey you did good” to let them know they’re in the right track

[sacrificethemtothesquid]

I think praising/thanking people for basic decency is actually the most important.

Husbandthing and I thank each other for everything. I think it probably got started when we first moved in together and my insecure ass was terrified of being needy, but it’s evolved into part of our everyday communication. As ridiculous as it can get sometimes, honestly I really like it.

Thanks for doing the dishes, thanks for mowing, thanks for making dinner - yeah, it’s mostly chores and other domestic obligations, but gratitude for the little things is practice for the big things. Thanks for folding laundry becomes thanks for taking notes when we’re with my psychiatrist. Thanks for washing the sheets makes it easier to say thanks for helping when my mom forgets how to buckle her seatbelt.

Both of us are choosing to be here, so it’s important to acknowledge the effort. Just because something is “basic” doesn’t mean it’s any less important.

[tyson-ot-nw]

In the cases listed you are not praising one another, you are acknowledging each other’s efforts, what those efforts mean, and how you appreciate each other’s thoughtfulness. It is acknowledgement, appreciation, and thankfulness.

Where that diverges from praise, especially when someone feels they are obligated praise, is when that person tries to leverage that praise into something else. And “you don’t deserve praise for preforming basic decency“ doesn’t mean that performing basic decency should go unremarked. But that while your performance of basic decency is appreciated, you are not owed for it. It ceases to be being decent. It become at best a transaction and at worst a threat, that without praise for basic decency it can cease.