In which Garak is dating the dumbest Augment in the Federation

Darling @eilupt​ sent me some drawings as means of a drabble prompt; slight NSFW image behind the cut.

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“Elim?”

“Yes, Julian?”

“What is that thing?”

“What thing?”

“That thing in the refresher.”

“There are many ‘things’ in the refresher, my dear.  I’ll need you to be more specific.”

“You know very well what thing I mean.  The new thing.  The thing that only appeared sometime during my shift in the infirmary this morning. The thing that is attached to the toilet.”

“Does it look rather like a flexible tube with an elongated funnel for a mouth?  That kind of thing?”

“Yes, that kind of thing.”

“When the Federation and the Bajorans claimed this station as their own, they saw fit to install plumbing more traditional to their species.  I was merely remedying that situation for our shared quarters.”

“Meaning?”

“I would have thought you would be able to recognize a Cardassian model toilet, Julian.”

“Yes, I suppose I did…”

“So…?”

“I had my willy caught in that damn thing for nearly an hour earlier!”

“….”

“Are you laughing?”

“You do paint quite the amusing picture, my dear.”

“It’s not funny.”

“You are utterly ridiculous, Julian.  Utterly ridiculous, and infinitely charming.  Your ‘willy’ has escaped permanent harm, I assume?”

“It has - although it might need you to kiss it better.”

“Kiss it better?”

“A human tradition.  Or ritual, if you like.  And a very important one.  Has to do with proper healing… I should know, I’m a doctor.”

“Well, far be it for me to stand in the way of human culture. Come here.”