ladyvean asked:

Chilton, Barbers (what’s his name?), Adam/Frankenstein’s monster, Mariska Hargitay on SVU, Erik/the Phantom of the Opera, and Captain Kirk

prurientpuddlejumper answered:

Oooh! Thank you for one that isn’t just Raúl! (and yet where are the pansexual lizardmen?)

• Push off a cliff - Ahhh, Kirk I guess???? But the cliff is made of styrofoam like the rest of the set and he’s OK? XD
• Kiss - Erik. It’s all he wanted in the end 
• Marry - Chilton!! (Tho this was a tough one. Arguably, The Creature has been my husband for longer)
• Set on Fire - [screaming in pain] I DON’T WANT TO SET MARISKA ON FIRE, WHY AREN’T THERE MORE ROOMMATE OPTIONS??? I assume Lt. Benson will be fine because she has Plot Shield. Right?? The woman has Plot Shield and comes away with minor burns. Like a sunburn. 
• Wrap a Blanket around - Barba (that is his name 😂). Man deserves a break. [Rolls him up like a burrito]
• Be Roommates with - The Creature. We’re only technically “roommates” because polyamorous marriage isn’t legal yet 😏

This is lies, though – we’re actually ALL going to be roommates with Erik in his giant melodramatic underground mansion lair, thankyouverymuch. 

Or, actually – Frederick, the creature & I move in with Erik. Benson joins Starfleet. Barba stays rolled up in his blanket drinking coffee, the only actual adult in the room.