had a wild dream this week that Patton Oswalt was driving me around the post-apocalyptic landscape in his Honda Civic when Keanu Reeves got in the car and said “Drive!” And we were like huh? And he pointed to this guy slowly walking toward us who looked like drunk Nick Nolte dressed as a cowboy, all in black. He was called “the darkness man” and he was pure evil. So we were like “Let’s go to John Cleese’s apocalypse bunker, he has a plane!”
We get to John Cleese’s place and he’s like “Oh I don’t have the plane anymore, I traded it for this puppy. Isn’t he cute?” So I just hung out with Patton Oswalt for a bit and found out he was obsessed with getting drunk and watching Home Alone 2 on VHS for some reason.
Then the lights started flickering and going out and I was like oh shit it’s the darkness man, and he showed up with his gang (who were all dressed like cattle rustlers) and they captured everyone and they were gonna torture John Cleese but he was like “I don’t care what happens to me, as long as I have my puppy!” (Fortunately the bad guys didn’t think of harming the puppy, maybe because Keanu was there they were scared he would go John Wick on them.) MCU Spider-Man was there, but he was completely useless.
I built an ultralight plane and escaped to an abandoned compound of buildings (no idea what happened to everyone else — I guess I was a dick and I abandoned them). My partner showed up and I didn’t want her to be afraid of the darkness man so I told her I could kill him with my eye beams. The only problem was, I did not have eye beams. So I thought to myself, well, I’ll just convince myself that I do, and everything will be fine. He showed up eventually (he pretty much just walked everywhere, like the monster in It Follows) and I flung the door open and believed really hard that I had eye lasers, and it worked! I shot beams out of my eyes and he started screaming and exploding, and the Hallelujah Chorus was playing, and I yelled “IT’S WORKING!!” and then I woke up.
What kind of a budget do your dreams have? Half the time I have to cast random people off the street to play my friends and family.
Enough of a budget to bring John Cleese back from the dead, apparently
it has been brought to my attention that John Cleese is still alive
Sam, oh my god.
