Two days after Voyager’s return to Earth:
Some Admiral: You say here in your official log that you started a caffeine competition?
Janeway: Oh, yes! That was our first week in the Void, before I retreated to my quarters for six weeks. I thought it would be good for crew morale.
Some Admiral: …And what did your morale officer think?
Janeway: He thought it was a great idea! You see, I had a legendary reputation from day one in the Delta Quadrant and the rest of the crew had been dying for an opportunity to challenge me. They all put up a good fight- B’Elanna came closest with twenty-four consecutive black eye raktajinos- that’s a raktajino with two shots of espresso. I think her Klingon DNA helped.
Janeway: Chakotay made a good effort with twelve shots of espresso total, but surprisingly Harry beat him by two shots of espresso- probably because he dilutes it with all that milk and sugar; extra sweet Vulcan Mochas are his go-to.
Janeway: Y’know, it was surprising. I actually half expected Seven to beat me, what with her Borg physiology. And it certainly looked that way in the beginning- She downed sixteen straight shots of espresso in twenty-eight seconds. It was remarkable. Then she crashed. Literally face-planted on the ground. Turns out caffeine is tricky on Borg components.
Some Admiral: …And what did your chief medical officer think of this competition?
Janeway: (laughs) Oh, he still doesn’t know about it.
Janeway: (face darkens) And he never will.
I know this happened in the Void, but I’d like to imagine what would happen if they did this in normal space and then ran into an enemy. An entire bridge of over-caffeinated jumping beans and a former Borg hard-resetting her way back to consciousness. I feel like they’d either defeat the enemy before they knew what hit them or still defeat them but in a narrowly-escaping-disaster-by-sheer-unadulterated-luck-and-a-lot-of-screaming kind of way.
😂😂😂
😂😂😂😂 This is the best thing I’ve read in ages.
