ds9 should have had a "universal translator malfunctions" episode because it would have been really good with all the multiculturality and multilingual people on the show and considering its themes (a whole episode almost entirely in subtitles!) but also to have a scene that's just "SURPRISE, ODO LEARNT FERENGI TO SPY ON QUARK BETTER" because it would have been extremely funny like
That would have been so good.
Sisko decides that everyone should speak Federation Standard, because it's taught to everyone in the Federation as an additional language. Problem is, Bajoran education hasn't included Federation Standard, and Kira's only done a few lessons on Future Duolingo.
Garak speaks Federation Standard. This has nothing to do with being a spy. Definitely not. He learnt it to... Converse with his dear doctor in the language he speaks. Obviously.
Bashir keeps being called between Sisko/Kira, who are trying to solve the problem, to translate either Federation Standard to Bajoran or vis a versa, and the O'Briens, who are having an argument in Irish and Japanese (their kids, who speak both languages, find this hilarious). He keeps complaining to himself in Arabic, and once in English in front of Sisko, before realising that whoops Americans speak English too.
Quark complaining to Morn about how he's struggling to sell drinks, Dax is just sitting there miming drinking, trying to buy a drink, throughout this scene.
Worf and Dax conversing in a mix of languages. Dax speaks Klingon, Worf's been learning Trill. Worf also slips into Russian and Yiddish on occasion, and gets embarrassed about it. Dax assures him that it's fine, whilst opening Future Duolingo on her PADD and adding both courses. Worf insists she doesn't need to learn either language for him. Dax says she wants him to be able to converse with her in whatever language he feels most comfortable with at that moment.
The above 'Surprise! Odo learnt Ferengi to spy on Quark better' scene.
Jake and Nog trying to communicate despite neither knowing the other's language.
Rom and Leeta communicating via charades and broken Ferengi/Bajoran. They end up laughing at their own/each others mistakes (not in a horrible way)
Damar calls Sisko. There's a whole call where neither can understand what the other's saying, and then Damar, frustrated, hangs up.
There's a visiting Vulcan who never learnt another language, including Federation Standard, because it's 'Not logical when we have the universal translators.' They spent their Standard lessons working on maths problems or something. Nobody speaks Vulkhansu.
The problem is fixed, finally, and we see Kira hunched over Future Duolingo trying to learn Federation Standard. Bashir telling Garak that if he really wants to speak to him in the language he speaks, he needs to learn Arabic and English. The O'Brien's have made up and are having a nice family meal. The Vulcan is complaining to an unamused Sisko. We see Dax say something in Russian, and then repeat the sentence in Yiddish. Worf corrects her pronunciation, and she thanks him in one of those two languages. Rom and Leeta are trying to teach each other to be better at their languages.
Final scene is one of the characters making an “it's all Greek to me” dad joke
